This was a hard blog post to write even though so many wonderful things have happened these last few weeks…we are getting solid online sales, we added a few new wholesale customers, we finally got our inventory shipment after a very long wait and started shipping to our online customers and wholesale customers. Whooohoooo!!! We had a launch event on Zulily which was a rousing success and a great way for us to build brand awareness and we even got written about on The Stir! I mean, it has just been AMAZING. The most amazing news though was that i found that the day we got back from Las Vegas that my little girl was going to be a big sister…How exciting that was for me and my family and a great wrap up to our launch!!! I was pregnant again with baby #2 and i was SOOOO looking forward to all the wonderful feelings of pregnancy, a growing belly, my new world as a mompreneur and even rocking my own collection It was perfect!

Last week i was officially 8 weeks pregnant and was counting down the days until we could share the wonderful news with all our friends and extended family. I was going to be a mommy again! It would be perfect and i would no longer need to fake drinking my wine when hanging out with friends or lie about why i could not hang out late because i was dead tired as is expected in the first trimester …Until that dreadful monday when i went in to get my routine checkup. All of the baby’s measurements were great and i was feeling great too until the doctors happy face turned into one of concern and needing to double check with another doctor…

“It’s strange but I don’t see a heartbeat, I’m so sorry!”…those awful words still play in my head over and over again, even right this moment. I cry every time i remember it. It was the hardest thing to hear and have to live with. My world was crashing! How was that even possible? But i felt fine, the baby seemed fine, just how??? My heart sank. How would i explain to my little girl who is 22 months that there is no longer a baby in mommy’s belly? Was it something i did or did not do? Was it stress related? Was i too caught up with You! Lingerie and growing the business that i neglected myself and the baby? Did i not drink enough water or eat right or sleep enough? A million questions ran through me as i tried to get answers from my OBGYN. And even though the doctors say that there was nothing i did wrong or could have done to prevent this, i still couldn’t help myself. I went back to the doctors a few days later to double and triple check that there hadn’t been any mistakes but it was still the same bad news.

I am sad and heartbroken!!! I have cried for days now! And words cannot even describe the loss i feel.

But i am still grateful and thankful for all the wonderful blessings i have. My beautiful daughter who inspired me to start this journey, my supportive husband who is my rock and my family who continue to encourage me. And i have faith that everything will be alright… And I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason even when it is hard for us to see and understand it (because i still don’t understand it). So as hard as this is to share with you all, i hope that my story will touch and inspire someone in a positive way to be hopeful and trust God (or whatever higher power you believe in).

I hope that someday soon, i can get over this.